Managing Workplace Behaviour: Tips for Leaders

How much of your working week is spent managing people’s behaviour rather than managing the work itself?

Think about it.  Two colleagues who refuse to work together. A disagreement over who sits where. Someone complaining that they’re always picking up the slack. A team member who feels their manager has favourites. Personality clashes, gossip, undermining, resentment and tensions that have been bubbling away for weeks.  And somehow, all of it lands on the manager’s desk.

What started as a relatively small disagreement can quickly become a significant management issue, taking up hours of conversations, meetings, emails and follow-ups.  Meanwhile, the actual work still needs to get done.

The reality is that managing people isn’t just about managing performance. It’s about managing relationships, emotions, expectations and behaviours.  And this is where emotional intelligence becomes one of the most valuable skills a manager can develop.

Emotional intelligence: more than just being good with people

Psychologist Daniel Goleman helped bring emotional intelligence (EI) into mainstream leadership thinking. His work identifies five important areas:

• Self-awareness: Recognising your own emotions, reactions and triggers.
• Self-regulation: Managing your emotional responses rather than reacting impulsively.
• Motivation: Staying focused on constructive outcomes, even when situations become difficult.
• Empathy: Understanding other people’s perspectives without necessarily agreeing with them.
• Social skills: Building relationships, communicating effectively and managing conflict.

These capabilities matter because workplace disagreements are rarely just about the issue being discussed.  The argument about desk allocation may actually be about perceived status or fairness.  The complaint about workload may reflect months of frustration about unequal responsibilities.  The personality clash may have developed because two people have different communication styles and neither feels respected.

Emotionally intelligent managers learn to look beyond the immediate behaviour to understand what’s driving it, without excusing unacceptable conduct.

That distinction is important.  Emotional intelligence doesn’t mean avoiding difficult conversations, keeping everyone happy or allowing poor behaviour to continue.  It means having the awareness, judgement and confidence to address issues fairly, calmly and constructively.

Why managers get drawn into so much workplace conflict

One of the biggest challenges isn’t necessarily the conflict itself.  It’s that issues are often left unresolved for too long.  A manager notices tension between colleagues but hopes they’ll sort it out.  Someone makes an inappropriate remark, but it’s dismissed as a one-off or banter.  A team member repeatedly undermines a colleague in meetings, but nobody challenges it.  Before long, what might have required a five-minute conversation becomes a much bigger problem.

Stephen Covey’s first habit, Be Proactive, is particularly relevant here.  Effective managers don’t simply react when a situation reaches breaking point. They take responsibility for addressing what is within their influence before problems escalate.

This doesn’t mean intervening in every minor disagreement. Adults should be encouraged to resolve appropriate differences themselves.  But it does mean recognising when behaviour is affecting working relationships, wellbeing, trust or performance, and acting early.

Emotional intelligence doesn’t mean accepting poor behaviour

It’s worth remembering that employees have responsibilities too.  Most organisations have established standards of conduct, whether through employment contracts, staff handbooks, codes of conduct or workplace policies. These set expectations about professional behaviour, respect for colleagues and acceptable conduct at work.

Managers should not feel they have to continually negotiate basic standards of professionalism. When behaviour falls below expectations, the starting point should be to establish the facts, refer to the relevant standards and address the issue fairly and promptly.

Emotional intelligence is about how you manage the conversation. Accountability is about ensuring that agreed standards are upheld.

Good managers need both.

Six common workplace challenges and what emotionally intelligent managers can do.

 

1. When colleagues argue or clash

Two employees disagree regularly. Meetings become uncomfortable, communication breaks down and other team members start taking sides.

What managers can do:

Speak to each person individually to understand the situation before bringing them together, where appropriate.

Focus on observable behaviours and their impact rather than deciding who has the more difficult personality.

Try saying:

“I’ve noticed that discussions between you have become increasingly tense, and it’s affecting how the team works together. I’d like to understand what’s happening and agree how we move forward.”

Covey’s Habit 5, Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood, is especially useful here.

Listen to understand, not simply to prepare your response.

Then establish clear expectations for respectful communication and collaborative working.

Practical tip: Don’t force colleagues to like each other. Expect them to behave professionally towards one another.

2. When staff complain about unfair workloads

One employee believes they’re carrying more responsibility than others. Resentment grows, motivation drops and complaints become more frequent.

The manager may be tempted to reassure them that everyone is busy.

But reassurance without investigation rarely resolves the issue.

What managers can do:

Review the actual distribution of work. Consider complexity, deadlines, capacity, working arrangements and individual responsibilities.

Ask:

“Which responsibilities are creating the greatest pressure for you, and where do you feel the imbalance exists?”

Then compare perceptions with evidence.

If the workload is genuinely unfair, address it. If the distribution is reasonable but poorly understood, explain the rationale.

Practical tip: Make workload allocation and priorities more transparent. Perceived unfairness can be damaging, but sometimes the perception points to a genuine problem that needs correcting.

3. When favouritism becomes an issue

Few things undermine team trust faster than the belief that some people receive preferential treatment.

Perhaps the same individuals always receive development opportunities, flexible arrangements, praise or high-profile assignments.  Whether the favouritism is real or perceived, managers need to take concerns seriously.

What managers can do:

Reflect on your own decisions.  Are opportunities allocated fairly? Are expectations applied consistently? Are you more tolerant of certain people’s behaviour because you get along with them?

Explain how decisions are made and invite constructive feedback.

Practical tip: Keep clear, objective reasons for decisions about opportunities, workloads and performance. Consistency and transparency help build trust.

4. When someone undermines colleagues

Undermining can take many forms: dismissive comments, eye-rolling, withholding important information, challenging colleagues publicly inappropriately or repeatedly questioning their competence.  Left unaddressed, these behaviours can damage confidence and create an unhealthy team culture.

What managers can do:

Address specific behaviour privately and promptly.

For example:

“During yesterday’s meeting, you interrupted your colleague several times and dismissed their suggestions before they’d finished speaking. That’s not the standard of communication I expect. I’d like to understand your perspective, and then we need to agree what changes.”

Avoid labelling someone as toxic, difficult or negative.

Describe what happened, explain the impact and make expectations clear.

Practical tip: Challenge behaviour without attacking the individual. Where conduct is repeated, serious or potentially bullying, follow the appropriate organisational procedures.

5. When disagreements seem trivial

Arguments over desks, office temperatures, shared spaces or who gets particular shifts can appear petty.

But dismissing them can make matters worse.  What seems insignificant to the manager may represent something more important to the employee, such as fairness, belonging, respect or control.

What managers can do:

Find out what the disagreement represents before deciding how to resolve it.

Ask:

“What is it about this arrangement that’s causing concern?”

Then explain the practical constraints and establish fair, transparent principles for making decisions.

Practical tip: You don’t have to agree with someone’s feelings to acknowledge them. But you do need to make decisions that are reasonable and consistent.

6. When managers avoid difficult conversations

Sometimes the biggest obstacle to resolving workplace conflict is the manager’s reluctance to intervene. They may worry about upsetting someone, making matters worse or being accused of taking sides.

So they wait.  Unfortunately, silence can be interpreted as acceptance.

What managers can do:

Prepare for the conversation rather than avoiding it.  Be clear about the behaviour you’ve observed, the impact it’s having and the outcome you want.  You might begin with:

“There’s something I’ve noticed that we need to discuss. My intention is to address it early so it doesn’t become a bigger issue.”

Practical tip: You don’t need to have all the answers before starting a conversation. But you do need to be willing to address the issue.

A practical five-step approach to managing difficult behaviour

When workplace tensions arise, managers can use this simple framework to respond more effectively.

Step 1: Pause and check your own response.

Before intervening, ask yourself: Am I frustrated? Have I already formed an opinion? Am I reacting to someone’s personality rather than their behaviour?  This is self-awareness and self-regulation in action.

Step 2: Establish the facts.

Separate what you’ve personally observed from assumptions, interpretations and second-hand accounts. Hear relevant perspectives without promising confidentiality you cannot maintain.

Step 3: Address the issue early and directly.

Explain the specific concern, why it matters and what needs to change. Don’t wait for the next formal performance review.

Step 4: Agree clear expectations and actions.

Ask what each person can do differently. Confirm responsibilities, professional standards and the support available.  This reflects Covey’s emphasis on thinking collaboratively and working towards constructive outcomes.

Step 5: Follow up.

Agree when you’ll review progress. Notice improvements, reinforce positive behaviour and take further action if the problem continues.  A conversation without follow-up is often just another conversation.

For serious allegations, discrimination, harassment, bullying or potential misconduct, managers should follow organisational policies and involve HR as appropriate rather than relying solely on informal conflict resolution.  For managers and employees looking for practical guidance, Amaze Associates recommends two useful resources Navigating Disciplinary Processes and Be HR-Wise & Thrive! both written by HR specialist Dawn H. Jones.

The real leadership challenge: empathy and accountability

One of the most important lessons from emotional intelligence is that empathy and accountability are not opposites.

You can understand why someone feels frustrated while still expecting them to behave respectfully.

You can recognise that an employee is under pressure while still addressing unacceptable conduct.

You can listen carefully to someone’s concerns without automatically agreeing with their interpretation of events.  And you can make difficult decisions without becoming defensive or dismissive.

Good leadership isn’t about keeping everyone happy. It’s about creating an environment where people feel heard, treated fairly and clear about what is expected of them.

Covey’s principles of proactivity, understanding others and seeking mutually beneficial outcomes complement Goleman’s emotional intelligence framework.  Together, they offer managers a more thoughtful approach to the everyday challenges of leading people.